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Where our hopes and dreams come true

Tonight, I am prouder of my club than I have ever been.

I am unspeakably proud over what we’ve achieved over the last few years. How we’ve rebuilt ourselves, to become better and stronger. How we gutted ourselves from the inside out to re-establish ourselves on the shooting scene, to show everyone that we were a force to be reckoned with. How we endured the torturous training sessions to be back on top again.

Today, we showed everyone that Hwa Chong is back.

If I am hyperbolic, it is because what we’ve done in the past few days has defied imagination.

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C’Div Boys Rifle – Gold

C’Div Boys Pistol – Bronze

B’Div Boys Rifle – Bronze

B’Div Boys Pistol – Silver

A’Div Boys Rifle – Gold

A’Div Boys Pistol – Bronze

A’Div Girls Rifle – Gold

A’Div Girls Pistol – 9th

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Of these, the A’Div Boys Pistol medal and the A’Div Girls Pistol placing means the most to me. We’ve waited so long for this day. We promised ourselves that one day, it would be our time in the limelight, that the promised day would come. And it finally did. Words fail me. I can only say this – that I was utterly glad and nostalgic that that I was there to witness this.

Their medal win will undoubtedly mean a lot to the shooters, but for my batch of pistol shooters, this carries another meaning altogether. It is the sum total of all our efforts to mould this club and make the pistol division a viable one, when from the get-go it was merely a bastard child. By laying the groundwork for this team, by pushing for everything we could, by fighting for attention in training, we did all we could to make sure this team would grow. Our contribution to this club did not lie in our medal wins, however meagre they were. Too, they did not lie in our mentorship and guidance of our juniors, I admit. No, they lie merely in the setting of that critical first step. So this day, is the ultimate vindication of our efforts and faith in them.

This day, history has been made. They have not failed us. This day has been a long time coming, but it has come. And there will be many days just like it to come.

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Though they will never read this, I wish I was capable of elegant and grandiose prose to immortalize what they’ve done. To the juniors:

You’ve made everything we’ve worked for possible. You’ve showed everyone that we can make this work, if only we try hard enough. You’ve realized our dreams, beyond our wildest imaginations.

And for that, I can only offer you this: thank you.

Protected: H2

Protected: H

Stepping down

Tomorrow marks the final duty that I carry out as the secretary of the club. It has been a long six years in the making. Very long, very painful, but also very fulfilling.

The first four years passed by in a blur – me as the one lagging behind, I recall how I used to envy the ones who represented the school. They were the privileged, the best and the brightest. Me? I was in the range as the armourer, consigned to a duty to guide the juniors, while doing nothing.

Well, got elected as captain somehow, but Sec 4 was fraught with distractions. Started pistol training, didn’t hit the card for the first month, began to clip the edge in the second and third. It was, to say the least, depressing. But still we perservered. Hong Chan. Jiayi. Yi Da. Me.

I think it was pretty clear that we’d be the ones shooting for the school in college. End of the Sec 4 year was also the year that we started hogging the Denker lanes. Those were the happy days of training.

Then came college. J1 was a year of angst and pain – thinking I couldn’t do it, but returning for more punishment like some druggie. Lost the chance to represent the school, but gained something out of it – emotional maturity. I remember being filled with anger at the team listing, but the anger subsided quickly, in fact more quickly than any time in the past.

Because I knew I couldn’t hold it against anyone. It was really kismet that I happened to read Jeffrey Archer’s The Prodigal Daughter around that time as well.

“It would be foolish to wish everyone success, as you cannot all expect to win the Woolson Prize, so I will only express the hope that when you have completed the three papers, each and every one of you will feel that you could not have done better.”

…

“I shall not ask if you consider you have won the prize, my dear, only if you did as well as you had hoped.”

“Yes,” said Florentyna, after some thought. “If I don’t win a scholarship, it will be because I am not good enough.”

And I think that has been the guiding principle for the two years of college life for me, to do my utmost best, and leave the rest to fate, leaving behind no regrets.

J2 year rolled round with the new intake. I recall thinking that it was hopeless – too many newbies, too many pistolers, not enough female riflers, only 2 new male riflers. I told as much to Hong Chan, but he was nonchalant, something of a ‘everything will be ok’ kind of attitude.

Hid my anxiety throughout the year. As I got to know them better, I started to relax. Many of them surprised me.

Nationals passed by in a blur. Shot a personal best, which was still low. I remember Hong Chan and me being under immense pressure during Wensen’s detail. Kept calling him out because he was nervous. I think we were more nervous for him than during our own competitions. Kept going out to the scoreboard to check on our scores, hoping and praying that we’d shoot to our normal standards. Won a zone gold for team and zone bronze for individual. Not the best, not our target, but nonetheless, a fitting closure.

Looking back on the past six years, I’d say that the college years have been the most fruitful. While the happiest days were in the high school club, I grew up the fastest in college. I was a lot more responsible in college than in high school too. I told myself at the beginning of the year that I’d like to be able to say that I discharged my duties to the best of my abilties. I hope I did.

Special thanks to:

Teachers: Miss Teo Mui Hong, Mr Charles Low, Mr Khairul

Coaches: Coach Zhang Shaoying, Coach Jia Ying, Coach Li Jie, Coach Zhang Zuoqiang

Seniors: Jeremy, Weiren, Melvin Tan, Yi Da, Jiayi

Batchmates: Bo Xian, Bo Xuan, Kelvin, Hong Chan

Juniors: Xin Xi, Kai Yun, Yanhui, Hui Ying, Yilina, Wensen, Xiang Quan, Daniel Lee, Alex, Ryan, Hong Nan, Eng Way, Mark, Dale, Dominic

Nanyang: Michelle, Shi Ing, Zijin, Eening

So many people, so little time.

Didn’t we almost have it all
The night we held on till the morning
You know you’ll never love that way again
Didn’t we almost have it all

Bittersweet memories, passing through the corner of my mind’s eye. There once, we relive them again through the looking glass.

Nationals 08

So this is what abject failure tastes like.

And while I have done all I could,

And lived up to my expectations,

I still won’t be able to face myself, because I know that my best wasn’t good enough.

And that stings.

Blabbling

Sentimentality gets in the way, even though I know the old has to make way for the new. But some part of me fears that loss in contact.

Protected: LT

Shooting Diary

Just started a shooting diary. Let’s see if it helps. Yes, I’m getting desperate.

crash ‘n burn

I don’t know what to say now. 495 is really bad. I’m still in shock from the way I shot today. After the first series, everything went downhill. I guess towards the end I’d lost hope and just wanted to finish it off so badly, so much so that I just raised the gun to fire without checking my relationship or my actions. I’m depressed because after all that I’ve worked for, this is what I get.

I’ve been optimistic since the December monthly shoot, hoping for an improvement in my technique. I’d hoped for a mental breakthrough that would carry me through to the Nationals. When the coach came, my flagging hopes were raised once again. Yet I think I need to face the reality that sometimes, things just don’t go the way I want them to. Optimism can only carry me so far. I’d fallen into the trap of waiting and seeing, hoping for a change, without really doing anything. Maybe it’s time for a real change…one that will see me through.

I’m confused and lost, I’ll admit. I have no direction now. I’ve let down my team mates. My high school teacher. My coach. Assorted other people. But mostly, I’ve let myself down because I underperformed. It’s not going to go away by itself.

And suddenly I feel the wind again

The last few days have been something of an emotional turmoil for me. I’m scared of the O-level results. I’m praying hard that I’ll get the results I want, though I highly doubt it, because I know I screwed up badly.

Some people will be leaving soon. I can’t fault them for their choice, because that’s what is truly best for them. My physics teacher told me something – the examination certificate that displays all “A” grades looks the best. I suppose it just boils down to the academic excellence that we’d all like to achieve. So I look at Arts, and compare it with Science. Yet still I can’t fathom myself in Arts, because though my grades are better in Arts, that’s not really where I belong.

Shooting. My blood, sweat and tears for a year now. Some people try to take it away from me. I only have this to say – I’ve sacrificed a lot for my training. Just ask anyone who knows me very well. I gave up leisure outings for training. I reach home past 9 every night because of training. If they want to take my place in the team, they’ll just have to prove their worth. Because in the end it still boils down to results, and I’m not going to give up my place so easily.

I just hope that at the Nationals this year, it’ll pay off, and the team will go down in history as the team that trained the most, trained the hardest and performed the best. I want to create a legacy that will keep going strong for the years to come. I want people to speak of us as a legendary team that other schools find hard, even impossible, to duplicate.