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crash ‘n burn

I don’t know what to say now. 495 is really bad. I’m still in shock from the way I shot today. After the first series, everything went downhill. I guess towards the end I’d lost hope and just wanted to finish it off so badly, so much so that I just raised the gun to fire without checking my relationship or my actions. I’m depressed because after all that I’ve worked for, this is what I get.

I’ve been optimistic since the December monthly shoot, hoping for an improvement in my technique. I’d hoped for a mental breakthrough that would carry me through to the Nationals. When the coach came, my flagging hopes were raised once again. Yet I think I need to face the reality that sometimes, things just don’t go the way I want them to. Optimism can only carry me so far. I’d fallen into the trap of waiting and seeing, hoping for a change, without really doing anything. Maybe it’s time for a real change…one that will see me through.

I’m confused and lost, I’ll admit. I have no direction now. I’ve let down my team mates. My high school teacher. My coach. Assorted other people. But mostly, I’ve let myself down because I underperformed. It’s not going to go away by itself.

Link Sharing

Newsvine – Community (yes, that tired phrase again) news website

Thumbstacks – Online Web 2.0 presentation maker

Jacuba Charts – Chart maker to complement the above

And suddenly I feel the wind again

The last few days have been something of an emotional turmoil for me. I’m scared of the O-level results. I’m praying hard that I’ll get the results I want, though I highly doubt it, because I know I screwed up badly.

Some people will be leaving soon. I can’t fault them for their choice, because that’s what is truly best for them. My physics teacher told me something – the examination certificate that displays all “A” grades looks the best. I suppose it just boils down to the academic excellence that we’d all like to achieve. So I look at Arts, and compare it with Science. Yet still I can’t fathom myself in Arts, because though my grades are better in Arts, that’s not really where I belong.

Shooting. My blood, sweat and tears for a year now. Some people try to take it away from me. I only have this to say – I’ve sacrificed a lot for my training. Just ask anyone who knows me very well. I gave up leisure outings for training. I reach home past 9 every night because of training. If they want to take my place in the team, they’ll just have to prove their worth. Because in the end it still boils down to results, and I’m not going to give up my place so easily.

I just hope that at the Nationals this year, it’ll pay off, and the team will go down in history as the team that trained the most, trained the hardest and performed the best. I want to create a legacy that will keep going strong for the years to come. I want people to speak of us as a legendary team that other schools find hard, even impossible, to duplicate.