Intropection
Maybe the best way to let go of the past is to not be a sucker for punishment by returning over and over to the memory. Criminals don’t return to the scene of the crime. Why then, should it be different for the thoughts that lurk behind those deceiving masks?
I’ve seen my initial assumptions corrected over the past few weeks. No, they _are_ high flyers, may be the people I can never hope to match up to. But still I try anyway.
My favourite word is “acquittance”, in that I can face myself in the mirror, because I’ve acquitted myself well if I did what I was supposed to do, to the best of my ability.
But the Taoist symbol inspires me too. It’s a constant reminder of the cyclical nature of life – closure and rebirth. A reminder that things never are too bleak for contemplation. Because somehow the unending horror has to end one day.
And I should probably thank my coach for giving me this phrase – don’t make excuses for yourself. Because it just shows that you’re weak inside. Because you’re ultimately responsible and accountable to yourself. But mostly because your internal monologue knows when you’re lying. And you feel like shit afterwards, because you weren’t truthful to yourself. It hurts even more when you realize that you had to make up excuses to cover for your lack in ability.
That what you do creates karma. That your actions are linked to each other, in essence a domino effect. And no matter how tenuous that connection, it still affects you somehow. Coming back to bite you in the ass.
Closure and acceptance is the final stage, I think, in moving on past memories. Achieving closure is not done through avoidance, but confrontation. Confrontation not through outright frankness, but acceptance of the way things will be.
